| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2007|08:39 pm] |
My parents expect way to much of me
My GPA is 3.7, SATs are ok, and my moms expecting me to go to UCLA. I can't! It's out of my reach!
And even if I did have the grades, I want to go to UC Santa Cruz. But because it's 'the worst UC', my parents think I won't get an education.
And because my SAT IIs weren't above average, my dad thinks I'm not doing anything with my life! I'm sorry I don't take standardized tests well, I'm just not good at them. I studied for an hour to 2 hours every weekday during the summer up until the test in october and that's what I got! I'm just not good at those tests!
It just kind of sucks when I get good grades and instead of supporting me or at least giving me a 'good job' once in a while, my parents give me the "Yeah, you better get good grades you little shit"attitude. If they're going to yell and scream at me for getting a C on a progress report, they can at least give me a pat on the back when I do good. But instead, I get the "But ONCE your grades go down blah blah blah" threats.
I told them about this, that they don't look at the positive things I've done. Their response was, "You don't need us to throw you a party every time you get an A, it should be for you," and then I say, "Well, then if it's for me, why are you guys constantly on my case when I do bad?" And then they gave me bullshit about how they have to motivate (scream at me and try to make me feel like shit) me if I slip.
I'm just glad I'll be gone. Away from this fucking house. It's sucks because when I go, I don't know how my relationship will be with my parents. Maybe it'll be better, probably not. They just seriously have no logic. None whatsoever. An example would be when my sister came home smelling like cigarettes (she's 20 by the way) and my mom yelled at her for smoking. It was basically screaming back and forth for about 30 minutes that had NO purpose. When my mom came to my room and brought me in the conflict by telling me I have to talk to my sister about her bad friends, I said, "it's her life, what the fuck am I suppose to do?" and my moms response was, "It's your sister! Talk to her," I told her that yelling at her for a half hour wouldn't solve her 'bad friend' problem, and instead she should talk to her like a civilized human fucking being. My moms said, "I can't talk to her. I don't know how to talk to you fucking kids. All I can do is yell at her. Whether or not she gets rid of those friends I don't care. But I'm a mother, so I have to do what I have to do," I laughed and told her she was absolutely right, at which she started to get mad at me for 'judging' her. It was just amazing that my mom could say all that like it's completely justified. I don't know anymore. I guess my parent get off on fighting.
tl;dr- My parent's are mean to me, I want to leave this house |
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| facebook will be the end of me! |
[Oct. 27th, 2007|11:50 am] |
Wow, why didn't I delete my facebook when I said I should've?
Well, basically, the admissions officer from Cogswell Polytechnical College (the school I want to go to) added me on facebook obviously to see what kind of person I am. Well, lets just say my Activities said, "I like to fuck the shit out of dead bodies,"
Obviously I don't, but the point is I didn't take my facebook seriously. And now because I wrote that, this person is probably going to think I'm a freak. And this is the screwed up part of these online communities: my personal life is in public eye! My facebook account was pretty much maid for me because all my friends forced me to do it, and I really didn't care about it. And now because it wasn't 'appropriate' that guy will probably see me as a weirdo and wont allow me to that college.
Stuff on the internet like myspace and facebook shouldn't be look at by our employers/college admissions people because it's now who we are professionally. Obviously I'm not going to fuck a dead body while im in college. I don't even fuck dead bodies to begin with! I just wrote that because I was bored and I thought my friends would look at that and lol. But I guess now I can't do anything for lulz, I have to keep a professional look EVEN in my personal life. This is possibly the most de-humanizing thing ever. What's next, these people are going to track our internet history to see what sites we look at? Or better yet, watch us in our room to see what kind of people we're like at home?
No one is the same at work/college and in their personal life. If you are the same, then you'll just be lying to yourself. It's not like it's a mask to hide the true self that indulges in things the company/college would find offensive, we all have different sides of us. If I went to this college, I would work professionally because this is what I seriously want to do with my life. Outside of college, though, I want to be funny and not have to worry about these people watching what i do.
Who knows? Maybe he doesn't even care about my facebook and is just adding me to be friendly. He seems pretty casual and nice over the phone when I had a question for him. But now I changed that single line to "I am a well mannered young boy,"
This just makes me feel so...violated! People have been fired from jobs because of stuff like this. I seriously want to just grab this guy and explain that I am really dedicated, and that I shouldn't be judged by my facebook, something I haven't even gone on for like 3 months.
Well, if he found my facebook, then he might even find this and realize that a kid like me shouldn't be judged by stuff I post online. Instead, I should be judged by my academics, my personal statement, my portfolio, ext.
These are moving times, and even if this kind of thing seems...intrusive, this should be expected. So here's a warning to all of you: take off all those pictures of drinking and profanity off your facebook/myspace. Thank God I don't drink or smoke, or else that would be something else to worry about.
Besides that, my parents are out for he weekend for the first time in eternity. I hung out with Brittany, went to Japan Town and took , then we went home and Nick, Luis, and Kyle came over. We played hide and seek at the school, which ended up them smoking weed and being all boring. I'm glad I go out and have a life, or else I would succumb to the boredom of suburbia and probably go to those ridiculous high school parties.
Today I'm going to work on SATs and college portfolios for Digipen and Cogswell (possibly look at other colleges, I'm only applying for 3 or 4 right now). I also need to edit some videos I made for my mom's friends.
That's pretty much it. |
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| Jeffrey All Terrain Weiner |
[Oct. 22nd, 2007|10:15 pm] |
So now im working on art shit for Cogswell and Digipen. I doubt digipen will accept me, but if not I'll probably go there for grad school. My picture currently (i have to make 7-10 by Febuary and March) is a cyber soldier holding a torn up stuffed animal, side profile. It should look decent when it's shaded in and whatnot.
What weird is that I can draw pretty well when im in class and not trying, but when im forced to do it, i just can't. It comes out like crap! I guess it just needs practice, like everything else. Maybe ill post it on here when im done for some feedback. Neither say I need to be a great artist, but I mean it should look good.
School for the most part isnt that bad. Journalism has turned into a room where I just listen to my music and surf the web. I hate it when people are right next to me talking (like literally, ill physically be in the middle of these people's discussion space) and then I'll try to say something, and then I just get ignored (today with marshall, lea, and some other girl). I almost want to repeat what I said, then I just get angry that they're talking right next to me. Or I think what's worse, is when I am heard by these people and they just laugh and say sarcastically 'oh hey james' like I'm some little kid coming in during the middle of the conversation. I can understand me running in and being like 'hey guys, fill me in on what youve been talking about,' but when theyre talking right next to me, what the hell do they expect?
This is probably why I'm not in one set group. Just the fact that these groups are so close-knitted that you can't just slip in to talk to people. Whenever I do talk to a group of people, I'm not really taken serious. Or maybe I'm just an awkward kid, who knows. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 17th, 2007|09:59 pm] |
I got to level 29 on tetris DS in Economics today. I wouldve gotten further if the teacher didn't distract me.
I now officially know what I want to do with my life. Yes, out of all the shit I've wanted to do, from film to computers to cooking, to Navy SEALs, to blah blah blah.
Well, here's how I broke it down. I love filmmaking, but I sort of don't like the fact that it's damn near impossible to be able to do want I dream of doing. I also love computers, however I don't like how boring it would be to make software or organize whatever on a computer.
Then I thought one day, "What possible thing can I do that combines the good aspect of both these things that I love to do?"
Then it hit me like a pile of bricks
FUCKING VIDEO GAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously! I love video games! It combines computers and film because it's digital and computer-y, yet it still has a creative side to it. And it's also relatively easy to get into, collegewise. UC Santa Cruz now offers a major in it, and I've been looking at some tech schools for it like Cogswell and Digipen.
And I'm not even getting ahead of myself here. I know it's something that will be tough, but I know it would be something that I'll love to do. I'm a little late in it, but this is something I know I can do if I put all my effort into it.
And...thats all I have to say today. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 9th, 2007|07:05 pm] |
People who are bipolar should be neutered. Parents with severe mood swings aren't stable enough to raise a kid. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 9th, 2007|03:11 pm] |
So honestly, I fucking hate the US postal service. I just want my FUCKING PACKAGE!!!!! Is it that hard?
No one was here when the package was sent, so they left me a note saying i could pick it up after the 8th. My parents are fucking stupid and didn't tell me about this note after I asked them a million times if there was any sort of packages or mail for me. My mom then yesterday was like "Oh, heres this missed package note from 2 days ago" right after the post office closed, and this again was after me for the last three days asking my parents if there was anything for me. Today I went down to pick up my package, and the lady told me that it wasn't there and that they were re-delivering it. This pissed me off because I wasted gas to go down to the post office after they gave me a note saying it would be there, and they just decide to send it again. Then what the fuck was the point of the note? They said if I wasn't here today, then 'for sure' it would be in the post office tomorrow. I came home, and there's no package for me. My mom's been home probably all day (shes in the shower) and theres nothing for me. So either my package WAS in the post office and the bitch was just fucking with me, my mom just decided not to go to the door when a package came, or it hasn't come yet today.
But seriously, why didn't they just leave it at the door? This isn't a bad neighborhood, and I doubt anyone will steal it. FedEx and UPS leaves it at the door, no problem. Now I have to go through all this shit for a stupid fucking package!
Whatever. I just hope it comes today. |
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| Im a Bachelorette, your my salami sandwich |
[Oct. 7th, 2007|10:54 pm] |
I sold my airsoft gun on eBay for 260 bucks. Whoopee!
I officially hate facebook. Maybe its because im so use to myspace, but I just can't stand the fucking layout! I made one like a couple weeks ago, but now im going to erase it.
Things I've gotten so far with burfday funds:
-Bape hoodie (being sent in mail)
-Tetris DS (being sent in mail)
-Trauma Center for DS
-160 GB iPod
-Fooooooood
-New car cable for iPod
-Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas collectors edition
-OMG like 30 bottles of booze!!!
That last part was a lie. I hate alcohol.
I seriously don't know what to say on here anymore. Just recalls of the last few days ends up on here. That and some little rants here and there.
But today, I hung out with Brittany. We went to best buy, arcade, toys r us, and then swimming, and then rompin, and then i came home to GTA and some good beef stew up till the end when I tasted our homegrown peppercorn that almost made me throw up, literally. |
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| Literature Test 2: "Promises Like Pie-Crust" |
[Oct. 4th, 2007|08:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Why? | ] |
Studying for SATs
Today was meh. My sister left for LA. I ordered Tetris DS on ebay. Oh, and in english I thought I thought I was literally (literally) going to die of some sort of heart failure, but I didn't. If I did, that would've been embarrassing.
I just don't feel good right now. A lot of people at school suck. Theres the people who I try to talk to who will either shrug me off completely or say a couple words and not continue a conversation, or theres the people that just talk about Halo or just stupid shit. School isn't that bad, thanks to iPod and the fact that I do have certain people to talk to.
What's funny, I remember in AP English, Ms. Tinnel told us about how in high school, we're so bound to a bell, and once we're out next year that we'll be free. But as she was saying that, I thought to myself that that's not true. In college, even in our careers, we still have bells. They're not literally bells, but they are scheduled binds and commitments. Instead of waiting on a bell, your waiting on your watch. Your waiting on the bus. You still run to not be 'tarty' to some things.
I should study. |
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| Im tired of this fucking food! |
[Oct. 2nd, 2007|09:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thirsty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Backstreet Boys | ] |
I got a bid on my airsoft gun! Plus I got the discography of Backstreet boys. And I got trauma Center!
Today's been pretty good.
But thats all that's happened.
So here's a picture of David Vangt. We had a small relationship in 9 and 10 grade. Now, he's probably rob me if he saw me.
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| College sucks, parents getting their kids in college suck more |
[Oct. 1st, 2007|04:45 pm] |
Well, I'm working on a bunch of shit for school and college. Hopefully most of it will be done by the time I finish my SAT IIs this saturday.
I read my entire AP english book from cover to cover because my mom thinks thats the only way I'll be able to do good in that class (she looks at my assignments online, and i didnt do good on a quiz). It wasn't that bad, i finished it in about 3 hours or so. It was a good book, though pretty bland at times. The Stranger, it's about this guy who's an existentialist to the extreme. He just doesn't give a fuck about anything, which is pretty unrealistic. I mean people have to care for something, even if life has no purpose. If life has no purpose for you, then just shoot yourself and get it over with.
In AP english, our first book was about how faith will always be stricken with doubt and we can never truly be completely faithful. Then our second book talks about the dark nature of mankind with no morals or goodness. Then this book talk about how we have no purpose in life and that we are just stuck on this planet until we die. The next book better be something by Karl Marx, that would be perfect.
And also, apparentally I have a D in economy because the teacher is missing like half my assignments. I turned ALL of them in, and I even redid them yesterday. I remember switching back into Ms. Coyne's class and giving her all my assignments and her being like "ok, ill go put these in the computer." Did she? Nope! Fucking bitch.
On that topic, I think the only type of people I ever hold grudges against is teachers, no one else. I know a few teachers in particular who I seriously still hate. One is Mrs. Pope Garcia. Everyone loves her except me. I remember when I was copying my friend Alex's notes, and she took them away and said I was plagarizing. I said "Ok, I'll talk to her and straighten this out," Well, she doesn't even listen to one word I have to say, like she wants to get me in trouble. This is a woman I've knows for 2 years and have been on great terms with. She takes it to Mr. McCarthy, my math teacher, and he explains to her what I was trying to tell her in the first place. She says ok and leaves. No sorry for accusing me a cheater or anything, just doesn't say anything to me. Since then I refuse to acknowledge her, even if she says hi to me.
Whats funny is that I never do that with people. Never. I might be mad at someone for a little while, but I never hold grudges. I do though for teachers because they can make or break our future. I don't know.
I should do homework. Oh yeah, I got a 160 gig iPod! It's pretty fancy, and I also got a Bape hoodie that should be coming in the mail sometimes next Saturday. funfun. |
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| No more sex with 12 year olds =( |
[Sep. 29th, 2007|09:17 am] |
Yesterday was my birthday!
I came to school, got a balloon and Whoopers from Johnny Lew. I think this is the first year where a lot of people remembered my birthday, probably because I paraded around before saying how I'm 18 on friday.
Then I picked up my girlfriend, who passed the most important test that was pretty stressing. Good job brittany!
We had the familys over my house. Good foods and LOTS OF FUCKING MONEY! Most of the moneys probably going to go towards college, theres only a couple things I really want to buy.
Went back to B's, had as romp, then came back home. Talked to both sisters (Lizzy's back!)
Today-Tonight: Fuck fest, Babyland, C/A/T!!!
Gunna be ear-damagingly fun! |
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| Oh mah gawd guys! |
[Sep. 28th, 2007|06:30 am] |
Hey guys, I'm like 18 now!
I can now :
-say I'm a legal adult
-legally watch porn
-legally smoke cigarettes
-legally buy salvia
-legally make an amateur porn video
-legally own a rifle
-legally be tried an an adult if i shoot anyone with that rifle
-legally tell me parents to fuck off and run away
-legally go to a sex club
-legally be legal
I can't drink yet, which is perfectly fine with me. Drinking makes me depressed. But I can't own a handgun.
fiddlesticks. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 20th, 2007|01:52 pm] |
So today was a minimum day
Went to Quiznos with Nick. it's nice getting your lunch paid for.
Today is homework and starbucks interview
I have nothing else to say, so here's a comic i made during i think freshmen year at TL.
Kinda hard to read, but whatever.
 |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 18th, 2007|03:51 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | still Venetian Snares | ] |
So, in other news, I need to study for my SATs and a French test
and I love my girlfriend more than anything <3
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 16th, 2007|06:32 pm] |
Yesterday was Birttany's b-day party with Renee, Jay, Andrew, David, Phebe, and...thats it.
Here's some It was pretty fun, though not many good pictures were taken. Then at night, after some frustrated and shitty directions, we got to see a live performance of Rocky Horror Picture Show. The audience had to spew out a scripted geeky response to EVERY SINGLE FUCKING LINE during the movie. I know it's a part of the whole experience, but seriously, 7/8ths of the shit they said wasn't funny at all.
Today david hung out here. We went to the really awesome gun store in the canal district (no one asked for IDs or anything, they're amazingly cool there) and looked at some pistols and rifles. I took quite a liking to the springfield XD handguns just because it's everything good about a handgun in one thing (though the slide release and clip release had way too much resistance). David was looking at some cheap bolt action rifle which was heavy as fuck, but still looked cool. After, we went to my house, hung out, then i took him to the bus stop to go back to Redwood city.
After i studied for SATs and blah blah blah. I'm done. |
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| Let's do the time warp again! |
[Sep. 13th, 2007|06:50 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack | ] |
These days have consisted of cardiac episodes and way too much worrying, especially about stuff teens really shouldn't be worrying about.
But, as a cute kitty, I mustn't be flustered.
Right now I'm talking to a weabo about how much her life sucks, and she's being very unreasonable.
Heart of Darkness is a great book, but I really hate analyzing it. I hate analyzing books in general, at least for a grade in school. It's like, "hey, we have a great piece of literature here! Let's fucking butcher the text and meaning and just ruin the book for you!" Just leave the books alone! I know it's to make us smarter and more intellectually open, but seriously, school is the reason I don't read as much as I want too. I'm too busy writing fucking notes and analytical bullshit to actually let the meaning just come naturally to me.
I think I'm mad at AP english because I did a paper, and got a 3 out of 9. When I talked to the teacher, she said it was because my evidence on my thesis wasn't sufficient and seemed bullshitted. Um, personally, I think all connections to a certain extent is bullshitted. I think I'm just use to writing philosophy essays from last year that I'm not use to analytical/persuasive essays (last years english was a fucking joke, only one essay written the entire year).
But, it is for school, so I better get better. It'll be hard, but I'm sure this'll help me in the future. You know, butchering books.
That's just my opinion about school. Just school in general takes the fun out of learning and knowledge. I've learned more from being interested in something and finding more out about it than, oh, I don't know, maybe fucking french?
I hate french! The only reason I'm taking it is to look all snazzy for colleges. I am never going to speak french to anyone ever in my fucking life. Even if I go to france, I don't know enough to have an adequate conversation. I think language is something that should be optional, I mean it doesn't really make you smarter, just more diverse. And Damnit this is AMERICA!!!! I want to speak english!!!! If I was moving to france, then maybe I'd take a class. But I'm not, so what the fuck?
But this is the last year. I'll just go through the motions like always, and then college! More school, but it sure as hell beats 7-11. Yes, I'm conforming with the system, but in our day and age, you have to if you want to live comfortably. I love the kids who get GEDs just because they're bored with school. I know that one more year of learning and essays and whatever is much better than a life where you need to live paycheck by paycheck.
Ok, I'll stop bothering you guys. I have analyzing to do.
Meow meow =^_^= |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 11th, 2007|08:04 pm] |
I havent written in this for a while, so i guess I will.
Well, today, went to school. I'm in school now, if you didnt know.
And now I'm studying for SATs
Tomorrow is Brittany's birthday! Hurray!
Oh, and i got a note today. Im a peer adviser still, i think. Well, anyway, i found this in my request box
So yeah, theres rumors going around... |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 21st, 2007|11:29 am] |
Well, last day of summer. I still have some homework to do, but it's no big deal. Just writing notes in some shit book.
And then on to senior year: my last fucking year!
today im not sure what im going to do. whatever.
Now that im not doing film, im trying to figure out what i want to do with my life. I seriously dont fucking know. I don't want to say anything for sure, because I know ill change my mind. I wanted to do psychology a couple weeks ago, and now i want to criminology and homicide.
Dis sum Baushit!
but anyway, im doing good. I need to change my schedule soon. so PEACE! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 7th, 2007|06:58 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Boards of Canada | ] |
I just got surgery
My mouth feels like shit, even though I took Motrin, then Vicadin 20 min later
The lower left side of my mouth is still numb, while everywhere else is fine
There's a risk that they hit a nerve and it''ll be numb there for the rest of my life
I'm drooling blood constantly
I want to eat food, but I can only drink some Jamba Juice
My mouth still hurts
I look like Jaba the Hut with my swollen cheeks
My parents are doing a shitty job helping out
But besides that, everything's just peachy dandy! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 7th, 2007|08:45 am] |
So yesterday, I went to the doctors. I watched a shitty video about wisdom teeth and then they said I need to get my wisdom teef removed. I have 7, so 2 of them might not be able to come out because they're so high in my mouth. If they can cut them out, they will. ONe of the lower ones is right on a nerve, and that's not good. Basically the doctor said it's not a good situation.
Then when we were scheduling the surgery, the doctor said "Fuck it, let's do it tomorrow morning!"
So after that I hung out with B. We went to San ROFL and to the arcade. After that, we went to best buy which ended up having no DS games. B bought me MGS3, which was very kind. I need to pay her back.
and THEN we watched gremlins and shnuggles and then I went home!
Now I'm playing metal gear solid waiting for surgery. Not a very good day. |
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357_calibur's journal